SHREK

                                       Written by

                                William Steig & Ted Elliott

                                     SHREK

                         Once upon a time there was a lovely 

                         princess. But she had an enchantment 

                         upon her of a fearful sort which could 

                         only be broken by love's first kiss. 

                         She was locked away in a castle guarded 

                         by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. 

                         Many brave knights had attempted to 

                         free her from this dreadful prison, 

                         but non prevailed. She waited in the 

                         dragon's keep in the highest room of 

                         the tallest tower for her true love 

                         and true love's first kiss. (laughs) 

                         Like that's ever gonna happen. What 

                         a load of - (toilet flush)

               Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his 

               day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go 

               after the ogre.

               NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME

                                     MAN1

                         Think it's in there?

                                     MAN2

                         All right. Let's get it!

                                     MAN1

                         Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that 

                         thing can do to you?

                                     MAN3

                         Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's 

                         bread.

               Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.

                                     SHREK

                         Yes, well, actually, that would be a 

                         giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. 

                         They'll make a suit from your freshly 

                         peeled skin.

                                     MEN

                         No!

                                     SHREK

                         They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the 

                         jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's 

                         quite good on toast.

                                     MAN1

                         Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! 

                         (waves the torch at Shrek.)

               Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The 

               men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long 

               and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the 

               men are in the dark.

                                     SHREK

                         This is the part where you run away. 

                         (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) 

                         And stay out! (looks down and picks 

                         up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. 

                         Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and 

                         throws the paper over his shoulder.)